The Office, My Office #9: Dwight Christmas

EPISODE 9.09: DWIGHT CHRISTMAS
Having forgotten to plan the office Christmas party, the Party Planning Committee decides to let Dwight throw a traditional Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas. Meanwhile in the Annex, Pete (AKA the new Jim) discovers that Erin has never seen Die Hard, a movie that he has completely memorized.

Where do I even begin?

Let’s start in the Annex. We have someone like Pete – someone who can essentially recite a movie from beginning to end. Unlike Pete, though, our guy knows more than Die Hard. It’s a little Rain Man-esque how much our guy knows about movies, both the mainstream and the obscure. And it’s not like he’s memorized these movies because he’s seen them many times. It’s more like he has an uncanny memory for all things film. You can randomly mention any movie, and if he’s seen it at least once, you can expect a complete retelling of the entire story. If you’re lucky, he might do voices. Just watch out for spoilers.

Back at the party, Dwight is dressed as Belsnickel, a German version of Santa Claus described on Wikipedia as “a crotchety, fur-clad Christmas gift-bringer figure.” Dwight filled a punch bowl with wine that tastes like lava and can be used to sterilize medical instruments. As Jim and Pam check out the table of food, they come across a mysterious meatloaf-looking dish. “Somebody’s found the hog maw!” Dwight exclaims. WAIT. What did he say? Did he say “hog maw” or “hog maul”? Because one is a dish made of pig stomach and the other, Hogmaul, is an independent horror movie for which two of my coworkers have done some behind-the-scenes work…

Okay, it’s starting to get creepy. Which one of my coworkers is secretly a writer for The Office?

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The Office, My Office #3: The Standing Desk

EPISODE 8.09: MRS. CALIFORNIA
Dwight sets up a standing desk, touting the health benefits and cool factor of standing. Time proves, however, that the allure of sitting is irresistible – even for Dwight.

My office has a Dwight. We’ll pretend that the standing desk is the only similarity (and we won’t mention Battlestar Galactica). After reading several articles and infographics about standing – and about how sitting is slowly killing you – he set up his own standing desk and quickly convinced another coworker to do the same. This was several months before “Mrs. California” aired, which made Dwight’s experience THAT much more amusing.

At only 5′ 3″, I had to stand on a stack of phone books when using their computers.

Over a year later, one coworker is now sitting, and “Dwight” alternates every half hour between standing and sitting. They did give a valiant effort, though. In spite of the constant back and knee pain, they stood their ground.

Click here to watch “This Will Not Stand” from the episode “Mrs. California.”

The Office, My Office #2: Snowball Fights and Rubberband Wars

EPISODE 7.11/7.12: CLASSY CHRISTMAS
Dwight and Jim engage in an all-out snowball war, utilizing elaborate planning, strategy, and the most powerful weapon of all: fear.

My office uses rubberbands (and the occasional water gun), precision, and no mercy. Survival requires thick clothes and thick skin. We may flinch at every slight movement now, but that doesn’t mean we’re afraid of pain.

Like Jim, we’ve taken a few shots to the face. And like Dwight, we don’t really know when enough is enough.

Click here to watch a compilation of clips from Dwight and Jim’s snowball fight.